I've decided that the reason I've been so down lately is because I have not had a creative outlet for weeks. It's not like we haven't been doing anything creative at all. I mean, we write, we go to museums, and I have my sketchbook, but to be honest, what would really help me right now would be to make something of substance. Who knows when that will happen. I have brushes and paint but no canvas (and no cash for canvas at the moment), and of course, there's always that question; what will I do with it when I come back to the US?

Of course, I really shouldn't be thinking about that right now. I have another two and a half months here and I should enjoy every last moment of it. What I should be focusing on is finding a way to quench my need to make something, and soon, because if I don't, I will probably wind up just as depressed as I was last summer.

Sad

Well, today I got an email from my dear father telling me that our lovely seventeen year old cat had finally kicked the bucket. I can't think of a better way for him to die though. He fell asleep in Mom's hostas plants and never woke up. It's sad. He was the most badass of all cats. The most weak and sweet and lovey, but badass none the less.

Sarah Palin makes me physically ill...

http://www.grizzlybay.org/SarahPalinInfoPage.htm

What the hell

Tell me, reader, what about me screams "whore?"
I will admit, I did hook up with that Uconn guy last Friday, and I was drunk and horny and it was no strings. We didn't have sex though! But even if we did, I knew exactly what I wanted, what I was doing and the consequences at hand (I just didn't know he had a girlfriend, but that doesn't make me feel badly at all). But now, I have been slobbered all over by a NEW Uconn guy (I dunno what it is about these boys) and I don't feel good about it. It wasn't like he forced me but I prefer to talk myself out of those situations and it took me a while...but yeah. Ugh. Worst kisser ever. And I probably have a huge hickey on my neck now. Great. Anyway, what about me says "come over here on the couch, lie next to me with your cigarette breath and eat my face?"
Come on. Seriously.

Guess where I am...

:D
It's great here.
I love it.
I will never leave.
<3

wow

Today, I received an email from my old 2nd grade teacher, completely out of the blue. It was probably the nicest email I've ever been sent, including from some of my closest friends. I had completely forgotten that I had run over to see her after graduation this year to say hello, but apparently, it made quite an impression on her. She called me a darling, a sweet, thoughtful individual, so much that I am almost embarrassed because I am no longer any of these things. Time changes you in many ways. She said I was one of those kind of people that had potential, that I could use my talents for a greater good. To be honest, I don't know. But it was nice to know that a kind, aging woman still has faith that I can still be great.

I leave Vermont tomorrow, and then, at 9 a.m. Tuesday, I'll be departing for London.
:)

Oooo, shnazzy...

I was shocked and then amused by senator McCain's choice for a vice president. I admit, it was very, very clever to pick a woman as a running mate. However, I hope he realizes that not only is Sarah Palin very, VERY conservative (therefore isolating many moderates who might otherwise vote for him), she is going to be drawing a lot of criticism that was once Hillary's burden (the whole woman thing). To be honest, I think his choice of a vp is going to hinder his campaign, not help it.

Well, I guess we shall see how this all turns out.

Whew

Okay, update on the little girl:
She is fine. She went home last weekend with her parents and her dad called and said she was perfectly healthy, and thanked us a million times for not letting her drown.
I'm just really, really glad she turned out okay. No mental hospital for me, not yet anyway. Even so, it hasn't stopped the dreams. But I'm working on those, don't worry.

Besides that little update, nothing much exciting has happened around here. You know why? Because it's the quiet before the storm, people. The few days before I pack up and leave this little town (for three months). Yes, it's down to days. I am so excited I could pee myself. But I won't. That's very unhealthy to do and not exactly socially acceptable. I'm setting up a travel blog the night before I leave the hotel. I've decided to keep them separate, because I'm pretty sure most people don't want to read the junk I write up here and also because I like to stay organized with those kind of things.

Anyway, I'm off to bed, because I'm a grandmother and can't stay up past midnight anymore.

Maybe I do believe in God...

Today, a little girl died.
Well, technically she died. Lindsay spotted her under water, unconscious, and pulled her out of the water, limp and lifeless, completely blue. The way her legs flopped on the deck reminded me of a dead fish. She had no pulse, no breathing. Thankfully, a doctor and registered nurse were swimming today, and immediately began to perform CPR. It didn't take too long, and after a few chest thrusts and rescue breaths, she began to vomit and breathe on her own. It was such a relief to see her return to her normal color, and yet, so terrible to see her shuddering, vomiting all over the place, crying. She can't have been over seven. After saving her, the doctor told me, with a haunted look on his face, that he had never had to do CPR on a child before. I guess it was like the EMS guy said;
It's always harder to watch a child die. At least this one came back.

What do you do when you know one of your best friends from high school is falling for a fifteen year old girl? What if there was a five-year difference? What if this girl had devoutly Catholic parents, and a pretty ripped 19-year-old brother?
What would you do?
See my predicament?
Granted, it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I guess I just trust him, and I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt her (at least intentionally). But there's the thing. She's fifteen and fragile, oh so fragile and naive. She's smart, I'll give her that. But nothing hurts more than your first heartbreak, as cheesy as that sounds. It's crushing, and I'd really hate for her to get her heart broken so soon in the game, especially by a 20 year old boy who knows better. I almost wish he were a creeper so I wasn't so torn about this whole situation, but he's not, he's just a lonely guy looking for somebody to love.
Fuck.

Okay, well, now that I have that out of the way, London is coming up and I'm SO EXCITED I might pee myself. I might, also, invest in a tattoo sometime soon (and by soon, I mean in the next year or so), and so, I've been thinking about where I want it and if I want to design it or not. I'm thinking on my upper back, but I also want something on my arm. So yeah, I'm gonna be putting a lot of money into this thing, but hell, they're supposed to last forever, so might as well make it epic. Really, my only real objection is that it might be something cheesy and/or self-righteous, and I don't want either.
I'll be pondering this for a while, don't you worry.
And now, bedtime. I'll write some more later when my mind is clear.

It can stop raining anytime now...

There has been maybe two or three days since I started working this season where it hasn't rained. Today, I worked down at Bootlegger's, and it poured for the entire four hours I was there out on the water. It soaked through my windbreaker, my long-sleeve, and my bathing suit to an icy layer on my skin, and the crazy wind and zero sun made the wetness absolutely miserable. The wetness continued on to the evening, when I worked up at North Hill. Interestingly enough, people actually came to swim and use the waterslide, even though it was negative 2893749287 outside and drearily overcast. I still managed to get through three-quarters of Ferenheit 451, a book I hadn't read since maybe freshman year of high school. The evening ended nicely, with a beautiful lilac sunset, with splashes of strawberry pink and some fiery orange on the horizon. I must have watched it for a good fifteen minutes, and somewhere in the back of my mind, poetry echoed in the distance. I was feeling good on my way back home, which may have been from the sunset, but may also have had something to do with the paycheck I had just deposited into my account.
Technically, today is the fourth. In about four hours my mother is going up in a hot air balloon for her late birthday present, and I am going to go watch her. I then will drag my sorry, exhausted rear end to work, and then spend the afternoon with my dad and the evening with my dear Emily, who will be leaving for New Zealand shortly. I will miss her.
It's about time I go to bed. I'll write more later, probably after Solarfest (which you should go to, fools).

Whoa

For the last few months I've been...absent.
More like, I've forgotten completely that I even had a blog.
Anyway, here I am, giving you the inside scoop on my life. Well, lack of a life, especially since it's summertime and I haven't done much except for sleep and work. Sometimes I wonder if that's all I have to look forward to, a shitty apartment, a job I hate, and only the internet to keep me connected to the outside world. Meh, that probably won't happen. I'll be living in a cardboard box for the rest of my life but damn it, I will be happy. Happy with my hobo husband and my hobo children in my hobo shack. Yep, it'll be a great life.
Anyway, I'm going to go refill this jug here with another gallon of liquid so I don't die when I pee anymore. Good night, good luck, and I'll see you soon. I hope :)

I feel unsteady...

I lost myself on a cool damp night
I gave myself in that misty light
Was hypnotized by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree

I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in its recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
And be what I want to be

When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because it brings me back you

Lilac wine is sweet and heady,
Like my love
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady,
Like my love

Listen to me, I cannot see clearly
Isnt that she, coming to me
Nearly here

Lilac wine is sweet and heady,
Wheres my love
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady,
Wheres my love

Listen to me, why is everything so hazy
Isnt that she, or am I just going crazy, dear

Lilac wine, I feel unready for my love
Feel unready, for my love.

Ahhh, Jeff Buckley. It's too bad he's dead.

Some highlights of the last few hours of 2007...